Calling All Troops!

Parents start out doing everything for their kids and we forget that sooner or later they are going to have to learn to do things for themselves. We need to prepare them for life outside the nest, and the younger we begin training the easier it is for the whole family. Children are being mollycoddled to the point that when they do leave home they are unprepared . A lot of the time the work is brought back to the parents to take care of, (or they may even move back into the nest!). This is a phenomena known as ‘extended adolescence’, (see for example Settersten Jr, R.A. 2005, ‘On the Frontier of Adulthood: Theory, Research, and Public Policy’. (MacArthur Foundation Series).

Historically, there have been three distinct beliefs about children in the Western world. During the middle ages, the belief existed that there was no difference between children and adults, (this can be seen in the paintings and writings of the time). This changed during the 1800’s when children were viewed as ‘useful’. They contributed to their families income by working in the burgeoning industries such as coal mining, weaving and chimney sweeping. By the end of this century however, there was a move towards education - children were seen as distinctive with their own needs. They are, and education and freedom of expression should be encouraged in children and young adults - as should responsibility and respect for possessions.

So what should parents do to encourage children to tidy up? Habits and rituals are taught through re-enforcement. For example, a child will learn that cleaning his/her room leads to rewards or treats been taking away, depending on if your taking a positive or negative reinforcement approach. I favor the positive approach, but it all depends on what works for you and your child. Each child is different, with a different temperament. Here’s a few tips to help get you started:

• Lead by example - Don’t expect your kids to clean up their bedroom, if yours is messy.

• Start them young - toddlers love to play with toy vacuums, kitchens, shopping carts etc. They naturally love to play at grown up. Encourage them. If they want to help when your cleaning up, give them their own corner of the surface your working on, and let them have their own little duster, (no polish). They will feel so proud, and you will have a companion as you clean.

• When they are a bit older, maybe 6 or 7 years, start giving them tasks to complete, before they receive their allowance. After every meal, have them bring their plate from the table to the dishwasher/sink. They can also put away any condiments and wipe down the table.

• Start a housework Rota. Pin it somewhere where you all congregate as a family. Give them small tasks, and gradually build them up. Increase their allowance/reward as the jobs get more difficult. If they don’t complete the jobs, they don’t receive the reward. Be very strict with this rule. Being consistent is key to behavior modification.

• Ask them how THEY would like their room sorted out. This gives them ownership and leads to sense of responsibility. Give them some ideas. For example, putting their toys into categories, (cars and trucks together, types of games, etc). If you don’t have them already, buy a few clear bins that can slid easily under their bed. Suggest they label and decorate the bins. Leave the bins lidless, as kids can find it hard to put them back on, and they can easily get cracked during rough play, leaving jagged edges to catch on clothes or skin.

• Involve them from a young age in doing the laundry. Children as young as 5 years of age can put clothes in the washing machine, and help with placing the dried clothes in the baskets, (cleaning the lint catcher is a good one, my older sons favorite!). Talk them through the procedure - when they get a bit older, you can teach them step by step how to separate the clothes, set the correct temperature in the washer, and how to load and operate the dryer.

You don’t have to do everything in the house, your not Supermom/dad! You need help. If you can invest time in enforcing these habits when your kids are young, it is so worth it, and they will appreciate your consistency and persistence when they leave home.

Nichola Mitchell is a professional organizer and personal coach. She has an honors degree in Psychology, and many years of working with young families. She lives in Winnipeg Manitoba, with her husband and two young boys.

Tags: Organization, responsibility

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